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Hairy Vine, No Friend of Mine

You may ask, “Why does this man appear to have braised turkey legs for arms?”

Well, it’s a funny story really. Guy wants to dig a hole and, like many manly men before him, he figures he’ll just use his forearms to haul dirt out of that hole. Except… this particular hole has Poison Ivy roots in it.

After Part 1, you know what a heartless bitch the Unholy Trinity can be. But just take a good moment to marvel at this pitiful human being. The Skin Rash Hall of Fame has recognized him as “The King.” And an anti-urushiol product is using him as their mascot.

But damn, do those arms look like hamburger or what?

What’s in those Crusty Poison Ivy Bubbles?

Urushiol is an allergen. So when it’s absorbed through your skin, the immune system begins a counterattack. And this is where it gets sticky.

Your body doesn’t fight all invasions the same way. With bacteria and viruses, it sends in sophisticated antibody hit-squads. They seek out specific invaders and destroy them, real professional-like.

But the body handles allergens a little less intricately. Allergic reactions are essentially over-reactions. T-cells storm the general area of invasion and beat the hell from anything that looks suspicious. Even harmless cells and substances. It’s kind of like racial profiling.

And when all of that happens, your skin gets red and itchy. Depending on your level of reaction, this can transmogrify into bumps and bubbles – papules and vesicles, if you want to get namey.

When I was little, on the advice of elders, I’d take a needle to each and every one of those pustules and absorb the liquid with paper towels. Word was, if the bubbles popped on their own, new rashes would form wherever it happened to drip, splash or get wiped. It was like walking around with saddlebags full of acid or lava. I wouldn’t shake people’s hands – or maybe they wouldn’t shake mine – and I was leery of sitting on upholstery without long pants and socks.

And no matter how hard I tried to contain the blight, just as the worst of the first bout seemed to subside, I’d get a second round. It was maddening.

However, I’m going to tell you something now that I wish somebody told me a long time ago: the liquid in those vesicles, it ain’t contagious. It’s merely fluid produced by the body in reaction to the allergens. Depending on the color, from clear to yellow, it can be plasma, water or pus. But it’s all benign.

How to Avoid Becoming the Next King

Wash everything. And I mean everything. Delayed reactions are almost always caused by unresolved reservoirs of urushiol. Since we’ve already gone over how potent urushiol can be and how long it may linger, you need to wash every piece of clothing and equipment that might have come into contact. Pets, too. The oil remains on their fur without bothering them until you go to pet them and wind up with another infection. (Humans and some other primates are really the only animals to react to urushiol.)

Wallets, belt buckles, steering wheels, cell phones, boots. Wash them all. Tecnu helps.

Then pray to whatever gods you keep.

In the 3rd and Final Installment of the Unholy Trinity

You knew there’d be three, right? Hop on over to Part 3: The Final Battle to talk nutritional value, evolutionary purpose and reveal the two delicious foods that wield urushiol.

Feel like a child that wandered into the middle of a movie? These will help you catch up:

Bittel Me This: Poison Ivy, Poison Oak, Poison Sumac – Why Me? (Part 1)

Bittel Me This: Why Do We Itch?

 

Extreme poison ivy pictures via www.poison-ivy.org