Let Freedom Ring
You know me, I normally blog your ear off. I take a thing like opossums, something you have little to no interest in to start with, and I make you care. But that’s not enough, I have to go further. I have to go and show you the opossum’s penis. And then things get weird.
But today you’re in luck. This is the Bittel Me This 4th of July Kit – just enough Information and Bangarang to impress your friends and satiate your brain before binge drinking. And not a penis more.
Please use responsibly.
Screamin’ Eagles
1. The bald eagle (Haliaeetus leucocephalus) is America’s national bird and official symbol of badassery. No bicep tattoo is complete without one.
2. Bald eagles are huge. Typical wingspans run 6-8 feet and their nests can weigh over a ton.
3. Ben Franklin was notoriously anti-eagle, “For my own part I wish the Bald Eagle had not been chosen as the Representative of our Country. He is a Bird of bad moral Character… Besides he is a rank Coward: The little King Bird not bigger than a Sparrow attacks him boldly and drives him out of the District.” Whole kind-of-unimportant story here.
Red Meat
1. When you cut into a rare steak or burger, that red liquid on your plate isn’t blood. It’s myoglobin mixed with water. So quit being a baby.
2. Buy discounted steaks. Sure, they’re brown instead of red, but the meat is no less delicious – its myoglobin is simply undergoing a natural chemical reaction.
3. There’s a scientific difference between red and white meat, as well as dark and light meat. And it’s all right here.
Fireworks
Originally, I was going to do a whole post on fireworks. But the BoingBoing crew has it covered.
1. Maggie Koerth-Baker on where the colors in fireworks come from.
2. Mark Frauenfelder on what it looks like to have fireworks shot straight at you, via helium balloon camera.
Safety
1. If you’re going to get all Mr. Wizard in the backyard, do your research. The internet simply has too much information on it for you to be an idiot.
2. Protect your pets. There’s a 30% rise in lost animals between July 4-6 every year thanks to fireworks. Make sure Snicklefritz isn’t one of them by securing him indoors or in a kennel. Updated collar tags and micro-chipping are helpful, too.
3. Let’s face it, you’re going to botch #1 because you never followed a recipe in your life. So always remember to Stop, Drop and Roll. After that, douse it in cold water, skip the burn creme and trust the Red Cross App before your drunk friend who’s suddenly talking like he has a medical degree.
Revolution
It’s time to rock out. Enjoy your 4th. And don’t die. I can’t afford to lose the Facebook likes.
