Let’s get you up to speed
- Why Do We Itch? [Prelude]
- What is Poison Ivy, Oak & Sumac? [Part 1]
- What’s in Poison Ivy Bubbles? [Part 2]
The snow has melted; the sprouts are up. And all that new green can only mean one thing – you’ll soon be running into Poison Ivy, Poison Oak and Poison Sumac.
I mean that literally. Perhaps one of the worst parts of a bad bout of Poison is knowing it’s self-inflicted. Your enemy is a sedentary plant. It lacks even the simple reactionary locomotion of a Venus Fly Trap. Which means it was your own bipedal, bumbling ass that stumbled into the Unholy Trinity’s wrath.
YOU should have known better. YOU should have been more careful. (YOU should have armed yourself with more Bittel Me This.)
So read on. Or forever hold your peace.
Part 3: Bad Things, Good People
If you’re up to your armpits in self-destructing bubbles it’s hard not to feel fated, singled out or cursed. (The armpits are baaad.) But being miserable doesn’t make you a wimp. Some states, like California, have even added Poison to the list of ailments covered by Workers’ Compensation.
Still, the Unholy Trinity is no more inherently evil than fire, money or Vampire Weekend. They’re just a couple of plants trying to make it in this crazy world, same as you and me. And for the last 14,000-ish years, they’ve done a pretty good job of keeping us at bay. (The Trinity is strictly North American.) Only now do weed-whackers, brush-hogs, Agent Orange and cortisone shots give us the upper hand.
Behind the poison is a genus of nutritious plants. Black bears seem to relish poison ivy and over 60 bird species are known to eat its berries. Goats have no problem eating both it and poison oak. Likewise, birds and small mammals eat poison sumac berries.
None of this is news to Euell Gibbons, edible plant enthusiast. And not only did he eat the stuff, he did it to increase his body’s immunity to Poison. So if you’re willing to trust a man who authored a book titled “Stalking the Wild Asparagus,” the advice is as follows:
- When poison ivy leaves sprout in early spring, chew and swallow 3 little leaves
- Do this every day for 3 weeks
- Since the plant will be growing each day, your dose will be going up until you’re immune
Bittel Me Disclaimer
Before you start shoving poison ivy down your gullet, let me at least feign a disclaimer. All those threes up there seem a little more folkloric than scientific – you know, along the lines of “leaves of three, let it be.”
And just because it worked for wild man Gibbons doesn’t mean it will work for you. Sensitivity to urushiol can come and go. You can grow into it and out of it. Especially if you get a cellular immunity deficiency like AIDs. (Remember Part 2? Urushiol is an allergen, which puts it in the immune system’s wheelhouse.)
Not to mention, most other sources warn ingestion of the weed (in any dose) can cause life-threatening gastroenteritis. But hey, mithridatism – forming an immunity to poison by gradually eating more and more of it – worked in the Princess Bride. So you should be fine.
Delicious, Delicious Anacardiaceae
Don’t judge a Family by a few bad leaves. You may be surprised to learn that two members of Anacardiaceae are not simply edible in the eyes of Euell Gibbons – the guy that eats cattails and something called “Grape Nuts” – they’re two of the tastiest treats on earth. What’s more, you’ve eaten them.
Aside from protecting the three poisons, urushiol moonlights as a bodyguard to the delicious mango. Only those susceptible to poison ivy and the like need be concerned, but urushiol is present in the fruit’s skin as well as the plant’s sap.
Cashews, also of the Family Anacardiaceae, produce a resinous skin irritant related to urushiol, called anacardic acid. This is why you may have heard that “unroasted cashews are poisonous.” Allergenic would be a more accurate word, but it’s true that roasting does destroy any resin on the nut. This is also why cashews are never sold in the shell.
It should be noted, roasting must occur outside, lest the roasters breathe the smoke and get contact dermatitis in their lungs. Consider that the next time you complain about mixed nut prices.
The Cure
Mother Nature is not without mercy. Since you can’t do much with Poison once you have it, the key to avoiding all that pain is prevention. And that’s where Jewelweed comes in.
Jewelweed (Impatiens capensis) is a juicy plant used by herbalists to wash away the nasty oils the Trinity leave behind. You can find it growing near creeks. Just slice the stem and slather your exposed skin with the plant’s sap. Some folks even take the stuff home and make Jewelweed ice cubes for future use.
As with most remedies, it’s no sure thing – but when you’re in the middle of nowhere and staring down a big touch of the bad stuff, jewelweed is as good a hero as you’re likely to find.
Closing Arguments
The Unholy Trinity – you can curse it, cleanse it or consume it. You can appreciate its place in the ecosystem or buy stock in RoundUp. Regardless, I hope by now you’ve learned to respect this group of plants capable of bringing even the mighty among us to our knees.
Euell Gibbons got one thing right. You shouldn’t let fear of the Unholy Trinity keep you out of the great blue yonder. As he says in the aforementioned asparagus book:
“Most commonly people are warned to stay completely out of the woods where poison ivy grows, but this I refuse to do. I long ago lost a bay horse, a hound and a turtle dove out there, and must be about the business of seeking them. To me, a life without going into the woods would be a very poor life indeed.”
You said it, Euell.
Poison Ivy sprout image courtesy of www.oardc.ohio-state.edu; Cardinal eating poison ivy berries image courtesy of www.blogsmonroe.com; Euell Gibbons image courtesy of thewildwood.wordpress.com; Jewelweed image courtesy of www.altnature.com
